As I begin this journey, with this first post of many, already it deems challenging. Challenging in staying motivated to begin raising support, attempting to dodge laziness by procrastinating and putting off the need to dos in exchange for the want to dos. Challenging to break old habits and develop new productive ones. To be moved with desire and passion, a clear set focus and vision. To involve myself more in social encounters. Expressing myself more openly and vulnerably while not being intimidated to simply ask and engage. More or less put words together to communicate what I’m really trying to communicate. Thus this is where this helpful jewel called blogging comes into play, since I’m not used to or fond of this process, this within itself is progress to finally get out of my comfort zone and eventually be able to fully express myself to others without the nagging pull of self-doubt that already prejudges the inaccurate thoughts and expressions of others.
This is the beginning of a lengthy, challenging, yet, fruitful and rewarding journey. Again I thank you, whomever you are, that reads and follows along with me on this intriguing endeavor. For we are not meant to do life alone and coming from someone who essential finds comfort in isolation contentment in self indulgences, its a big deal to reach out to those in whom I may not even know. Putting my thoughts and vulnerabilities out in the open for all to see is terrifying and stretching trust so far as to chance rejection is even more unnerving since I’m not one to put myself out there for just anyone. But this journey isn’t about me. It’s about God and what He can do thru me and about you all. For it’s foolish of me to selfishly assume that what I think, experience, feel, learn etc. are mine alone to bear and think that no one else can understand what I go thru. To try and bury all doubts, all uncertainties, all dis-beliefs and not even attempt to meet with others to listen to their stories to find the similarities and answers to my own sorrows is foolish. Now I’m naturally loving, caring, and encouraging putting others needs before my own and will sacrifice and take on more than whats necessary for the sake of another soul but there’s a balance in which I sway too far one way or the other.
All in all this journey, this story, is about Jesus that even in the midst of my own darkness He’s the light that guides me out everyday even if I don’t choose Him He still chooses me. Forgive me if it sounded a little dark and depressing earlier that’s not my goal. As I said I’m going to reveal all of me darkness and all so you all can get a glimpse of what I go thru internally. This back and forth struggle of old self and new self. The Christ within me vs. the stubborn fool. Let this journey be a light a form of encouragement that we are embarking on together because I know that I’m not alone in what I go thru and neither are you so as we begin let us first remind ourselves that it’s not our battle to fight or go thru alone. It’s our battle to fight together side by side with the unwavering fact that Jesus has already won the fight so He’s here with us, in the midst step by step day by day walking with us. Our faith is based not on what is seen but what is unseen. Our hope is in Christ that He has truly and utterly freed us from this yoke of bondage in the form of self doubt and all forms of negativity and darkness that tries to consume us and distract us everyday. Our love is saturated from the endless out-pour of His Agape, the unconditional love, that has no bounds to reach our every need even in times when it’s seemingly impossible to love ourselves let alone anyone else in the moment, His love is made perfect for us to receive and lean upon in every time of need.
So, as the first of many, as my struggles are your struggles my God is your God we are the hope of our cities, our nation, our world. Dark and twisted as it may be nothing is impossible for God but He needs us. He needs you. We all have a part to play even if it seems small and unimportant don’t discount yourself yet. This is just the beginning. Be challenged, grow, and become unwavering. Be blessed mighty warriors and hold-fast. We are the essence of the hope of Christ. It is us who shall usher in the Kingdom of Heaven. Till next time.
